The Never Ending Story...... CD 21

And on it goes.



I stopped bleeding red blood pretty much the day after my OB pulled the last of the retained tissue from my cervix. I then had very light spotting/brown mucous for a further week. So all in all it was about two and a half weeks after the miscarriage until the bleeding ceased completely (CD17). Since the bleeding stopped I have had some EWCM which I have read is common after miscarriage and is just your body sorting itself out and not a true fertility sign. Not that fertility signs would be much use to me at the moment given that we are using "protection" because I do not want to risk falling pregnant while on the antibiotics.



Last Thursday (CD15) I went for another checkup with my OB to make sure there was no further retained tissue and that the infection was clearing. He scanned my uterus and said everything looked OK. On the ultrasound he did see a black line in my uterus which indicated a little fluid and said it probably meant I had a tiny bit more blood to lose. At the end of the appointment he wrote in his notes "complete miscarriage", closed my folder and told me I didn't need to come back until I was pregnant again. Sweet relief. Leaving his office after that appointment I felt that same feeling of freedom I felt as a kid being dismissed on the last day of school term before summer holidays. Aah it was good...



This past week though I continue to have some "discomfort" in my pelvic region. It's not pain exactly, but it just doesn't feel right in there. So I went to my GP today and told her I think the infection might still be there. She prescribed another dose of both antibiotics (I am still going with the last of my Metronide, but I finished the Augmentin a couple of days ago), and referred me for another ultrasound next Wednesday. I thought it best get a second opinion rather than go back to my OB, given that I don't really like him that much anyway. Maybe if there's a problem the GP can't treat she will refer me to another specialist. Oh and it was nice to speak to someone who didn't think i was insane for wanting to miscarry naturally.



God this never-ending miscarriage is driving me crazy. Like a pendulum I swing from being so put off that I never want to have another baby to total despair thinking that this infection is going to rob me of my fertility.

Complications CD13

I can't believe it has been 2 weeks since the miscarriage. Time does fly.

My recovery seemed to be on track until last Thursday when everything went pear-shaped.

In the early afternoon when I went to the restroom I noticed my body was trying to pass some more tissue, and that it appeared to be "stuck". I went into a total panic and called M to come and get me from work and take me to the ER.

When I got to the RBH they saw me straight away, I had an internal and abdominal ultrasound done and they confirmed that I had some retained tissue. I think it was like a membranous tissue. Thankfully it was sitting on my cervix waiting to be passed, and not still attached to my uterus. The doctor there tried to remove it manually with some forceps. I am still horrified to think of that! It wasn't actually painful, just a horrific position to be in. And she was so clumsy...... my god. I thought if I got out alive and with my reproductive capabilities intact it would be a miracle!! She got some of the tissue out but not all. I was discharged later that night under the condition that I would see my OB the following day.

Saw my OB Friday afternoon. He removed the rest of the tissue in the same fashion (more horror!!!). He also thought I had an infection and prescribed Augmentin Duo Forte and Metronide 400 which I am to take for 10 and 14 days respectively. I got the prescription filled at the chemist near his surgery and would have swallowed the first lot of tablets then and there had they not needed to be taken with food, such was my fear of the infection. Friday night I felt seriously depressed and worried about the infection - what if it really did affect my future fertility? Luckily the doctor sent the tissue off for analysis so we can be sure I am on the correct antibiotics. Oh, and the doctor said my uterus had not yet contracted back to its normal size.

Of course all of this had me really second guessing my decision to have a natural miscarriage. You know what they say about hindsight being 20/20.... Anyway, I did a bit of web-surfing on "infection after miscarriage" and a lot of the stories actually related to infections after D&C, so I guess there's no way to know whether this same thing may have happened had I have had the D&C. Where I sit now I am still glad that I had the natural miscarriage... call me crazy...

My bleeding had been fairly light and continued to be up until Friday night. Since then it has been practically non-existent. Just brownish spotting/staining. I have had a few drops of red spotting every day still though. It is down to once a day and always within an hour of me telling M that I haven't bled yet today. (He says I jinx myself). The latest was earlier this morning. I am just looking forward to a time when I am no longer bleeding!!

We did end up making love a couple of nights ago... I couldn't stand the celibacy any longer! We used a condom... but it was nice to lie around naked together afterwards.

I have my next OB appointment tomorrow afternoon so hoping for the good news that my uterus has contracted down. Feeling a little despondent and not holding my breath for good news, nothing else seems to be going right so far...

I also hope the infection has cleared, but I'm not sure how I'd know given that I didn't have any fever or pain. The results of the tissue culture were a small Strep C infection. The doctor thinks the antibiotics I am on should be effective in treating it.

Good O. I just want it to be O V E R. I am tired of this miscarriage!!!

Thanks everyone who has stopped by to read my blog. I hope you have gotten something out of it. I hope my experience has not scared anyone off!! I don't think there's ever an easy way to miscarry but all in all I do not think my experience has been too bad. I will continue to post until this is well and truly finished. Take care and all the best.

1 Week On..... CD7

Well, it has been a week since the miscarriage....

I am still bleeding. The bleeding seemed to be slowing down yesterday to the likes of a light period day. Then last night I had renewed bleeding of quite a bit of red blood and a slight crampy feeling. That was depressing...... just when I thought the end was in sight. Of course now I am worried that it means there is something wrong - retained tissue or infection or something. I have my followup OB appointment Monday morning and am really hoping for the all-clear.

I am a bit nervous at the thought of TTC again. Last time we TTC I obsessed about it majorly. Luckily we fell pregnant on our first month of trying. I don't know how I'll cope with that level of obsession month-in and month-out if it doesn't happen so quickly this time. I'll have to make a conscious effort not to obsess and to take an interest in other things, but it won't be easy!

That's one of the reasons I wish the bleeding would stop soon, so we can make love again. Because right now we're not and if we're not making love we've got no chance of making a baby. At least if we were making love it would feel like we were doing "something" in the baby-making stakes, even if I am not yet ovulating...

Recovering CD5

So far the recovery hasn't been too bad.



Friday morning I felt a little woozy. By Friday afternoon I was feeling physically OK but my emotions were all over the place. On the drive home from work I started crying. Harder than I had since we first found out that this pregnancy was not to be. We went to dinner with M's parents and brother to celebrate his birthday. I didn't want to go. I was sure there would be discussion of Dave and Melissa and their pending delivery. I couldn't face that. Mercifully there was none - they were not mentioned at all.



Saturday and Sunday morning I actually felt pretty good. The heavy heavy bleeding of Thursday/Friday had slowed down a bit.



I think I overdid it a bit on Saturday night (slightly-drunken Wii bowling) and Sunday (shopping trip) because Sunday noon I started contracting again. Not painfully but I could tell they were strong contractions and I started bleeding quite heavily again. It was getting tiresome that every time I'd use the restroom it'd look like a crime scene. I took it easy for the rest of Sunday and things settled down OK.



Today I feel normal. The bleeding continues but it is lighter and I have the odd contraction sensation. The bleeding is still odd in that it is not drops of blood, but rather most of it happens when I use the restroom and it comes out all stringy-like. As if the blood is mixed with a fair bit of cervical fluid or something.



Anyway, looks like my recovery is on track at this stage. I scoured the net for "bleeding after miscarriage" and it looks like bleeding for 2-3 weeks is the norm. I am getting a bit sick of the bleeding though. It is a constant reminder of our loss, whereas I just want things to get back to normal so I can move on with trying again. M and I discussed trying again and we would both like to do so ASAP. Surprisingly, one of the most significant factors is our lack of desire to use other contraceptive methods (condoms, withdrawal) for the one - three cycles that you are "supposed" to wait.



And not being able to make love for 2 weeks following the miscarriage is one of the worst things about it.

I am now a miscarriage survivor CD2

So it happened.



On Wednesday night.



After nothing much happening Wednesday afternoon, Wednesday from 4pm onwards I started having the occasional cramp, by 8pm we were ensconed in front to the TV and the cramping intensified to the level it had been the previous evening. At about 9:30pm we watched an episode of Girls of the Playboy Mansion. I was imitating their fake laughs. Maybe a bit too hard. After the show finished at about 10pm I stood up to go to the restroom and all of a sudden I felt a large clot come out of me. Up till this point I had not had much bleeding at all. I ran to the bathroom. I did not think my pad would be able to contain it. I bled the clot out into a bucket. I had heard that you should bleed into a bucket rather than the toilet (so that you can see how much blood you are losing and so that you know when you have lost the gestational sack and placenta).



I knew it had started for real this time.



The active part of the miscarriage lasted from about 10pm until 1am. During this time I would sit in front of the TV breathing through the contractions, then rush to bleed into the bucket when i felt the clots were about to come out. It was like going into labour. The contractions were painful. Very painful. But it was no worse than the worst period pain I've ever had. For me it wasn't anywhere close to the pain of giving birth. I had an epidural for Izzy's birth and I still felt intense pain. He was posterior, maybe that's why his birth was so painful.



I refrained from taking any painkillers (thanks dbkate for this advice!) during the active part of the miscarriage. At about midnight I passed the gestational sack. It wasn't painful to pass, it just felt like I was passing another blood clot. It didn't look at all like what I expected. It looked and felt exactly like a small perfectly clear transparent jelly fish. It was about 5cm in diameter, but a disc rather than a sphere, perfectly round, but with the stalk (umbilical cord?) still attached where it would have been attached to the placenta. Being a blighted ovum there was no embryo inside (probably a mercy). I showed it to M.



I thought things would subside after I passed the sack but they didn't. I was still having the intense cramping. Then about 30 minutes later I passed something else which was clearly tissue rather than just a clot. It looked kind of like a small sausage. I guessed it was the placenta. After passing that the contractions continued for a while, and I passed some more large blood clots.



At about 1am the contractions died down a bit and I seemed to have stopped passing large clots.



I took 2 panadols so I could get some sleep.



I had survived.



I had not haemmhoraged. I did lose a lot of blood, but it was mostly clots so I wasn't too worried.



I slept until morning.



I got up and cooked M his birthday breakfast and took my son to school.



Then I went back to bed slept for the rest of the day.



I really slept all of the next day (Thursday). I was exhausted. I was not expecting that.



Now it is Friday. Day 2 after the miscarriage. I am at work. I still feel a little dizzy and tired and I am still cramping. Some times painfully, sometimes mildly and I am bleeding like a very heavy period. I have to go back to my OB a week after the miscarriage to check that I have no retained products of conception. I feel like I expelled it all. I really hope I have. That would be the final insult to have to have a D&C for retained products after waiting this long and going through the natural miscarriage.



My recovery plan is to take it easy physically. I am taking prenatal vitamins and bio iron supplements as well as drinking liquid chlorophyll (about 2 tblsp a day) to aid in my recovery.

The physical miscarriage was gruelling, as was waiting for it to happen, but in the end I am glad that I did it this way rather than opting straight for the D&C. While waiting to miscarry I have had time to grieve the loss of my pregnancy. I thought I would feel relieved now that the miscarriage is over, but I don't. I just feel sad. I'm sure the relief will come in time, because it's not really all over yet. I still have to get the all-clear from my OB and the bleeding and cramping has to stop. I am thinking of TTC again, but M and I have not yet discussed "when", I will leave that until I am a little more healed.



I will continue to post updates on this blog until the miscarriage is totally over.



Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

Woken at 4am by a contraction!!!! 11W5D

I was sound asleep and I awoke to this "feeling" in my lower abodmen.

It took me a few sleepy disoriented moments to realise it was a contraction.

Definitely a contraction. Different to a cramp.

It wasn't all that painful.

I went to the restroom.

There was red blood!

And quite a few small clots!!

Who would have thought I would be so exicited to see such a thing?



It's starting!! Hooray !! It's starting!!



So I downed 2 panadols + 2 neurophens (...expecting the cramps to get much worse. I have on occasion had period pain that was so bad it made me want to curl up and die) and went out to watch some early morning TV. The Urban Request Show was on Channel V (MTV equivalent).

Had a couple more contractions not long after that first one. Then...nothing....



Went to bed just before six. Fell asleep for half an hour. Woke up feeling groggy and disoriented but otherwise fine. Thought I may as well go to work (here I am) because one thing this miscarriage has taught me so far is that nothing happens in a hurry. Had a mini-fight with M because he thought I was crazy to go to work. (Maybe I am but payroll tax is due Friday...) I am still bleeding a little bit of red blood, kind of like a light period, with the occasional tiny clot. No further cramps! Still waiting for the main event... The plan is to call hubby and he'll come and take me home if things get really bad.

...11W4D

The light spotting and cramping continues....
It is annoying that even this stage is taking so long.
I made a parsley infusion last night (supposedly an emmenagogue) and drank about a litre of it in the space of an hour!! It didn't taste too bad, a bit like a celery broth, but I don't think it has done anything to help the miscarriage along. So we can add that to the list of things I've tried that have been unsuccessful...

Finally something has happened!!!! 11W3D

Finally!!!
At last....
I can stop going crazy (for the moment)

While we were away at the conference, early Thursday morning after making love I went to use the bathroom and saw blood when I wiped and a small blob of blood about the size of a 5 cent piece in the toilet bowl. I cannot tell you how excited I was! I called out to M - "baby, I'm bleeding!!". I was scared that the miscarriage was going to happen while I was away from home, but just so relieved after so many weeks of nothing that there was finally something. I felt nothing... just saw the blood. It just appeared without warning.

It didn't last however.

For the rest of Thursday and the following 2 days there was nothing. Not another hint of blood.
It was quite infuriating.

Then yesterday (Sunday) I felt a little tired and cranky in the morning so had a little nap around midday. I woke from the nap feeling the slightest cramping and a tiny bit of brownish-red mucous. Sunday night we took dad out for father's day dinner and when we got home from dinner I still had the slight cramping but there was a few drops of blood on my pad. Aah, sweet relief, it was starting (or so i thought...).

This continued. At bedtime I used the toilet and could actually see the drops of blood dripping into the bowl. The blood looked strange, not like a normal period which just looks like regular blood. This blood was kind of thicker, like the tiniest bits of broken down tissue. I sat on the toilet for quite a while as a little collection of the blood/tissue pooled below. In all it was probably about the size of a 10-20 cent piece. So nothing much to speak of. But a start.

I didn't know what to do... I was nervous to go to sleep. I thought the bad cramping would start up during the night, so I figured I should rest now while I could. Went to bed about 11pm. Woke up around 2 am to some more mild cramping went to the toilet and repeated the above experience. Slept again until 5.

This morning I didn't have any further bleeding and the (very light) cramping seemed to have let up. Then at about 10:45am I had some more light cramping and had an almost-identical repeat of the bleeding experiences above. The cramping seems to come in waves which are followed by the bleeding. I have to say at this stage the cramping is very light. I expect it will get much much worse. At the moment I feel ever so slightly crampy all the time, but it's such that you're never sure if you actually are having a cramp. When I get the cramps that precede the bleeding they are a tiny bit stronger such that I know I am having a cramp. But they are not in any way bad. I am not even close to reaching for the panadols yet.

So we wait and we see...............